Bernie’s story
Have you ever heard a rustle outside at night that sent your heart racing? Or become worried you’ve said something wrong after a perfectly pleasant conversation?
Bernie would tell you that’s just F.E.A.R. That’s your brain making False Evidence Appear Real. Or in other words, your brain is detecting a threat or danger where there is none. Or maybe she might look up at you with a grin and tell you that F.E.A.R. means “F**k Everything And Run.”
Her humour, persistence, and these little phrases make a huge difference to Bernie. Through her journey towards home, she realised it’s one thing to break the cycle of homelessness, but it’s another thing to maintain it. Life is maintenance.
For Bernie, life maintenance is more than making sure the bills are paid, the house is tidy and there is food in the fridge. Life maintenance is about the fastidious management of her mental wellbeing.
Bernie grew up as one of six children to parents who struggled with their own histories. Gender roles were more rigid and talking about your feelings wasn’t the done thing. As a young gay tomboy, this was a confusing time.
During her childhood, Bernie experienced repeated sexual assaults, and despite her sharing this with the people who were supposed to support her, she was not believed. These early experiences eventually led Bernie to seek refuge in alcohol and drugs.
By 16, Bernie was homeless. It was while squatting in a property with no electricity or hot water that she discovered she was 16 weeks pregnant.
When her daughter was about one year old, Bernie signed over custody because she wanted to keep her daughter safe, believing that she would only ‘bugger it up’.
For the next 40 years, Bernie was stuck in a relentless cycle of finding temporary refuge, only to lose it. Today, she lives in the same home she’s had for four years through Uniting WA’s Independent Living Program. The program uses a supportive landlord model that doesn’t give her grief about property maintenance; instead, her support worker monitors her wellbeing and checks in to see how everything is going.
Bernie now uses her story to advocate for people in similar situations, working with Uniting WA as an advocate and presenter.
Little by little, the inner voice that tells her she is a bad person is starting to quiet. Her bills are prepaid, she has an art room and has reconnected with her daughter and three grandchildren.
“Being called Nana for the first time, it was just so special. I welled up and it was like, Oh, my god.”
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